A short update:

My flat hunting efforts are going nowhere. There haven’t even been any new ads worth calling about. This weekend I’ll add the local papers to my search resources.

The flat hunt continues.

Despite initially dismissing what seemed to be a dream home, a friend convinced me that there would be no harm in checking it out anyway. So I did. When I called the landlady again yesterday, she told me that the dog was actually an old and quiet little thing, and she gets along quite well with the neighbourhood’s stray cats that come to visit. In that case, I figured there might be no harm for Sebastian being around, especially if I make sure he stays indoors at least until he gets used to his new home.

First thing this morning, I went to see the place. As I thought, it was gorgeous. A cute little place with a huge gallery for a bedroom, and a cute little living room and a kitchen on the ground floor. The flat opens to a little balcony with a garden and a few fruit trees, which is currently neglected, but can be turned into a haven with a little bit of work. The moving dates that were required didn’t quite match my needs, but this can be easily bridged for a small cost. However, the flat did not have any spaces that are required for a cat’s living space. I was disappointed. I expected so much of such a place, and was hoping that I could move into it.

I guess I could compromise, and find a solution for Sebastian within the limits of the house, but since I am not stressed on finding a place immediately, I might as well just keep on looking until I find the perfect home.

I started looking for a new place. I hate moving. Whenever the need to move rises, I take a long time considering whether I hate my current place enough to go through the process of flat hunting and changing again. This time my flat disturbs me enough to look for another, so today I started looking.

I made three phone calls today. The first was about a place just down the street from my current place. The woman on the phone described it as my dream home would be, a two stories house on a quiet lane, with an orchard at the back and plenty of space for cats to run in. But then came the question about whether pets were allowed, and the answer was of course, as long as they get along with her mother’s dog who lives on the premises. I was thinking about my little scared Sebastian and realised there was no chance.

The second phone call was a bit more successful, and I went to see the flat at the end of the day. It didn’t go as well as I expected, though. For a start, it turned out I misheard the house number in the address. I turned up on someone’s doorstep, and with my biggest smile on my face said polite hello, stating that I came to see the flat. He claimed he never advertised the flat, and as far as he knows he was in his flat to stay. How embarrassing. The joys of home hunting… I did get to see the correct flat in the end. It was a cute little place, but not quite suitable for my needs.

So then came the third call. I spoke with the current tenant that sounded very nice. I also spoke with the landlady later. She didn’t sound very keen when I mentioned the cats, but suggested that I see the flat anyway. I might go tomorrow. Wish me luck.

My body is not reacting very well to stress. Maybe I should decaffeinate for a few days.

SkySurfer and I broke up.

It’s not good timing for an emotional rollercoaster.

Can you blame me for feeling low?

And then came nightmares…

I have been waking up in the middle of the night thinking about work, and remembering conversations with colleagues that took place in a dream. I wake up and worry about my long task list.

Sebastian probably feels my stress, watching me moving in bed in my restless sleep, thinking I’m awake and coming to play.

Last night I forced myself to think of travelling, of music and of the wild flowers that have been putting a smile on my face on the way to work every morning so I will be able to get back to sleep.

I feel close to breaking down, and I hate that feeling. My eyes become moist as I type these words, and I know these feeling should be suppressed.

My stress disturbs my concentration, which doesn’t help my growing tasks list get any shorter.

My current dream

Lying in bed, Sebastian in my lap, a book in my hand, the flat is clean, the washing is done, and nothing that I should be doing instead.

Or

Spending a sunny Saturday afternoon walking in the park with SkySurfer. Followed by strawberries on a blanket in the winter sun.

Or

Travelling in an exotic destination I’ve never been to before, where I don’t understand the language spoken around me, and get to enjoy new colours, sites, smells and sounds.

My current reality

Stuck for many hours in front of my computer, another big presentation coming up tomorrow, my tasks list is not longer than a page and the only break in site is a lunch in which the likely topic of conversation will be work.

I think I need some time off.

Despite not using my real name on this blog, many of you know who I am and have met me at some point or another.

This is the reason I’m often careful about what I write, in order not to offend anyone.

Today, for example, I wrote something, and even managed to post it, before realising that I may be hurting some people unintentionally. The post was removed before I think anyone had the chance to read it.

As much as I am really happy to know that my friends are enjoying reading what I have to say, I sometimes feel a bit held back. There are so many feelings and thoughts going through my mind recently that I would like to open up and write about, but I know that some of them will either hurt people or will put me in an awkward position if they are known. So I keep them quiet, and because I’m bothered about things I can’t blog about, I also don’t blog much about anything else. Maybe I just need to get all the thoughts sorted in my head into a coherent string of sentences and then I will be able to put fingers to keyboard and write about it all.

The heat wave this week brought out a feeling of spring. Not just to everyone who finally could put on their fine short sleeves, but to the flowers outside too.

Near my house there are the last of the urban flowerbeds. Each year in spring they all come out in amazing splashes of colour, displaying amazing beauty in the middle of a busy town. At least they are for now, because soon enough their place will be taken by tower blocks or cultivated gardens.

When I was little we had such fields of flowers near my home in Tel Aviv, but now it will be very difficult to find wild flowers growing in the city. This is one of the main reasons I’m very happy not to live in the big city anymore.

I went out to look at the flowers today, and took some pictures. I’ve put the best ones on the photolog. Enjoy them while they last.

Once again, the stress of work has overpowered my ability to exist beyond working conditions. This week there was a new peak.

The main reason for the peak was a presentation I had to give to very important clients that were visiting the office. The pressure was high and there was a lot of work to do. The presentation was due to take place on Tuesday afternoon, and on Monday I’ve been working on it without a break, doing the best I can to deliver the best presentation possible.

The stress on Tuesday was beyond description. I came in looking my best and waiting for the opportunity to prove my abilities in the afternoon. I was so uptight I couldn’t even concentrate on other things that demanded my attention during the day. However, as could be expected in such situations, due to schedule overruns, my presentation was postponed to Wednesday morning.

Luckily, on Wednesday I came in very early in the morning, just to be told that I’m the first to present, at 9AM. The organisation of the presentation was quick, and by the time the visitors arrived, I was ready to go. I think I did a good job. I didn’t stutter too much, I kept to the point, I think I even made it interesting. It would have all been a lot better if my boss didn’t see the need to constantly interrupt me with “additions” to what I was saying, that were not related to the point, and in some cases simply untrue.

I was very disappointed not to receive any useful feedback from some of the executives that were there. My boss told me I was good, but I don’t trust him enough to take his word as anything useful.

Now that it’s over, I plan to relax. For the first weekend in about a month, I have no intention of doing any work at all. I need my time off. I have a lot of catching up to do, reading blogs I haven’t looked at for a while, spending some time with my loved ones and just doing not so much at all.