Trivial

My feelings are mixed. I want to write about it, about my confusion, my frustration about work, my recent need for companionship. But it all seems so trivial, so I really shouldn’t be whining about it. My problems are solvable, just a matter of time. Others’ problems are so much more traumatic, and I wish I could help them more instead of thinking about my silly troubles.

I have a friend who recently split up with his wife and is now facing a messy divorce. I am trying to be there for him and cheer him up, but there is a limit to what I can do.

Another friend’s father died last week after a long battle with cancer. Since then I haven’t been able to talk with him, and every attempt resulted in silence. I know he is hurting, and I wish I could make him feel better. I wish he could have talked to me about it, and I could be his shoulder to cry on. There isn’t much I can do.

Maybe this is my problem. The feeling of uselessness, and my inability to help the people I care about. Could this be resolved too?

Catharsis

I watched The Hours on the telly tonight. It’s a movie I heard a lot of good things about, and was looking forward to see, so it was very fortunate that I caught the promo about it a few minutes before it started, and decided to stay in front of the screen.

The movie was mostly OK. Not as good as I was expecting. I found it hard to connect to the characters most of the time, and in some parts I was bored enough to wonder off to my computer and do other things with the movie in the background. But with even only partial attention, it is a sad movie, the end of which brought tears to my eyes. It was exactly what I needed.

The cry that started with a sad end to a movie brought out a whole downpour. After the movie ended I kept on sniffling for a bit longer. Suddenly all the stress I’ve been under recently and all the unease I kept locked inside were flowing out. I was peaceful again. I have a feeling tonight I will sleep well for a change.

Choco-Mint Heaven

Non-smokers usually need good excuses for breaks. I just needed to freshen up.

I took Biking Geek along, and we went to Arcafe to try out their new sorbet drinks. He had the grapefruit & Campari and I had the choco-mint. It was lovely and refreshing, everything that is required from a break. Recommended!

On My Mind

Thoughts have been running around my head lately, like they always do. They are incoherent and strange. I know my dreams are affected; I’ve had some very weird ones recently, which I cannot relate them to any specific experience I’ve been through. Probably one day there will be a psychology researcher who would try to put some sense into it. Meanwhile, here’s a collection.

• Work – There are some tasks that need to be done.
  
• Life – Where am I going?
  
• Sex – I’m only human after all…
  
• Love – I think I want some excitement on an emotional level
  
• Sex – Maybe I just want some excitement on a physical level?
  
• Relationships – I think I am reaching a stage in my life where I want someone to stick around and be my life partner, in the long-term sense of the word.
  
• Weddings – I really don’t feel like going to any
  
• Sex – Again?
  
• Family – Another event soon, another opportunity to be pestered by the elderly about being single
  
• Singlehood – I like my freedom, but I want more
  
• Sex – Is it true that men think about sex every 9 seconds? What about women?
  
• Politics – Too much of it at work. I hate office politics and I hate being dragged into it. How do I deal with it? How will I find the right words?
  
• Travelling – Can’t wait to be out of this job and wondering around the world. Ireland’s on my mind. I need to find a travel companion.
  
• Sex – I think I’m about to change a few statistics.

A Step in the Right Direction

I had my first interview of my current job hunt today. It went very well, and I came out feeling encouraged and slightly amused. It felt as if I was interviewing them and not the other way around. It is still an early stage, but I’ve been told that it is likely that I’m already one of the finalists who will continue through the recruitment process.

Everything is going so fast… I just started looking a few days ago, and already it seems that I will be facing important life changing decisions within a week. Scary even.

I said that I would be available on a month and a half notice, to allow me a bit of rest between finishing my notice with the current company and starting the new one. A little break away will make everything worth while.

Frustration

Things are not going too well in the Deviant Brainwave world right now. Mostly work related. The situation has been deteriorating, both on a professional and a personal level. It came to new heights on Thursday, when I ended the day early, storming out of the office in tears. The resulting decision was to start looking for work elsewhere. Continuing emails since then have only convinced me that this is the right decision.

I am trying to keep a low profile and I will not leave my current job before I find something else. The jobs market has been improving recently, but it’s still not good enough for such rush actions.

If you know of anything suitable, drop me a line.

Nearly Thirty Crisis Update: Music

Music is eternal and for everyone. And if so, why should it be included in an age related post? I think it is more about the feeling that comes with music, the mood and the inspiration. Of course, there is also the way music is marketed, so it is more likely that the latest Britney album would be publicised to attract teenagers and a Frank Sinatra compilation would be marketed to the audience who would be Old Blue Eyes’ age if he was alive.

I know that the average age of people who listen to the kind of music I listen to is probably much lower than thirty. Actually, I will not be surprised if I found out that the average is actually lower than twenty. I felt this mostly when I travelled to the summer festivals in the UK a couple of years ago. I felt like an accompanying parent on a school trip. There were some older people around, but I did realise that I was within the demographic of people who leave the festival site at night to have a proper shower and a good sleep in a comfortable apartment. It didn’t matter, as long as the music was good.

Does that mean I should switch to Barry Manilow and be content? I don’t think so! I do admit that recently I’ve been listening less to the likes of Feeder, and more to the likes of Snow Patrol and Belle & Sebastian, but I still enjoy a good guitar riff. I will not give up easily the pleasure of playing air-guitar to the sound of The White Stripes while in heavy traffic. Should I act my age or my shoe size? I go for shoe size! (That is, UK shoe size, not European, of course).

Birthday Boy

Happy Birthday William!

A birthday blessing is also sent to his sisters, born inside my sofa, a year ago today.

Football Dating or How Not To Build a Wall

There are many tried and tested methods for blind dating, or other forms of first dates. The most common are usually related to drinkable liquids, such as coffee or alcoholic drinks. I was once taken out to play pool which was good fun, and quite sexy. It gave both of us good chances to check each other out. However, going out to watch the Euro 2004 Final is not a good dating strategy.

It started when we talked on the phone, and somehow the subject of football came up. I did mention that I don’t mind watching a good match, although I would not pretend I understand anything about it. The result was an invitation to watch the football together. Initially he suggested that I will come to his place, but that seemed a bit too much, so I proposed the alternative of going to a pub I know where the match will be screened.

The evening did not start on the right foot. Just as I was trying to step out of the flat, Sebastian decided that it was time for his walk. I tried to persuade him to go back in, but it didn’t work. I didn’t want to keep my date waiting, so I just kept the window open, knowing that William will also take the opportunity to jump out, and hoping they will both find their way back easily.

My date didn’t have to wait too long, and we got to the pub with enough time to find our seats and order drinks before the game. The conversation was mostly flowing before it started, and again at half time. However, during the match there wasn’t much I could contribute. My companion did have some commentary to the action, but I didn’t understand most of it, and definitely could not open a discussion. Much of the time I just looked at the clock at the corner of the screen, waiting for the ninety minutes to be over, and by the time the final whistle was blown, I couldn’t wait to get out of there and back home, with the excuse of making sure the cats have not gone into too much trouble.

At home, Sebastian and William were waiting near the door. They were not quite sure about coming in, and Sebastian managed to knock off a plant on the way, but the magic of sweet corn made them rush to the kitchen (this would be the subject for another story). I’ll have to find a better permanent solution for them.

The one thing that is certain is that there was more chemistry in the smell of sweet corn coming from the kitchen, than there was between my date and me tonight. He is a nice guy, but I don’t think there’s a chance of it going any further. Oh well…

NEXT!

Stood Up

My house is usually far from being the cleanest in the neighbourhood. Cleaning is hard work, and I do have two angels spreading cats’ hair all over the place, so it can be expected. It’s not that I don’t like the place being clean, or that I’m too lazy. It’s just that the only time I have for it is on the weekends, and I usually tend to find much more enjoyable weekend activities.

Recently I decided to overcome the anxiety of strangers being around the house and people touching my things, in favour of employing a cleaner. All I need is someone who would come in every other week for a few hours and make the place look a little bit better. However, it turned out that it is not at all easy to find a cleaner, definitely not one who wouldn’t mind the cats being around.

Today was supposed to be the big day! My aunt spoke with her cleaner and set me up with a regular fortnightly cleaning session. However, things might have gone very wrong, because the cleaner just didn’t show up! I woke up early and made sure everything is in place, so her job will not be too difficult. I was waiting for her at 9AM, with the spare key which I specially went out of my way to have cut on Thursday. I kept waiting until 9:30AM, knowing that I’m going to be very late for work. Then I couldn’t wait any longer. I tried calling, but there was no answer. I also tried calling my aunt to see if she has another contact detail, but my aunt was also unavailable. At the end there was no other choice, I just sent her a text message and left. I still haven’t had a reply, so I’m not sure she got it.

I can’t believe I was stood up by the cleaner! I just hope the blind date I have planned for tonight will be more successful.