In the past couple of weeks I have been really pushing it. It’s more or less the same thing every morning: the alarm goes off at 6:20, and after a few blips I don’t even notice, goes into auto-snooze. Then it’s off again ten minutes later, and I might notice a slight blip in my dream. Ten minutes later it reminds me of the ring. Sebastian and William hear it much better than me, and start making noises outside my door; to tell me that it’s breakfast time. Ten more minutes go by before the alarm makes me think that maybe I should get out of bed, but since it goes into auto-snooze again, I allow myself to sink back into my nice warm bed for longer.

It goes on like this for a while. Today I finally got out of bed at 7:15, almost an hour after the time in which I should have been on my feet. I already tried putting the alarm away, setting it earlier and some of the other tricks. I should think of something more creative. Maybe I’ll try to get a second alarm, or one that comes with a CD player. Music should make it easier, shouldn’t it?

I’m going to coffinate now.

The effect of hormones going mad they have an amazing influence on just about everything. Emotions are ten times as strong, and the body is ten times weaker.

There are so many little things, like last night’s call from the guy I dated on Saturday night, to tell me that he had a nice time, but it wasnt it for him. I’ve had plenty of dates that don’t go anywhere, but this time I did get a bit upset. Or being cut off in traffic this morning, something that happens daily and I got used to, but today really pissed me off.

The hormones affect is most obvious when it gets me running to the toilet to let loose of a few tears that were hanging at the corner of my eye. I was just checking out the Biking Geeks blog again, and thought about how much I miss them, and suddenly I just felt my eyes getting a bit moist.

The human body is a wonderful machine, but I much rather see it in operation when I’m happy. I don’t need sadness to be ten times stronger than it is already.

Out of all the horrible freaks and weirdoes, I deserved to finally have a nice date, didn’t I?!

It happened on Saturday night, after a long message and email exchange for a couple of weeks before. Then we spoke on the phone, and he had a lovely, welcoming, voice. Eventually I gathered enough courage, and we met. I had a nice time, and conversation was flowing. It seems that he was enjoying it too.

But what’s happening now? I don’t know. He sent a short email yesterday, and I replied, but no word from him since. Is there a chance? Have I passed the test? Maybe I’ve had so much experience of bad dating, that I no longer know how to deal with a good one.

My computer has been giving me a bit of trouble recently, so I tried to fix it yesterday. I only managed to fuck it up even more. So much that it wouldn’t load at all, not even in safe mode. I had to reinstall the OS and start over… so annoying! Even this is giving me a bit of trouble, but I’m sure I’ll overcome. Meanwhile, I’m computer-less and network-less at home. If I don’t manage to get it sorted soon, my sanity is in danger.

In other news, I had a nice date last night. Details will follow.

My ongoing shoe shopping saga has been told many times. The shoes I bought last time turned out to be nice, but not very comfortable, and not suitable to be worn in a wet weather. In a strange coincidence, most of my other shoes have also started to fall apart in a way that makes them completely useless. And so, the saga continues.

This week’s shopping rounds had the same results as all the others: stupid, intolerant shopkeepers, selling nothing but dead cows, or what they claim to be dead cows. However, I did manage to find one shop selling Earth shoes. I was so excited, trying on shoes and selecting a pair that was the kind of design I’ve been looking for for ages. I didn’t even mind paying a fortune for them. When I got home I checked out the website, only to find that the pair I bought was not from the Vegan range after all. All leather again. Today, first thing in the morning, I went back to change them to another pair from the Vegan range, which I liked, but not as much.

I still need boots. I desperately long for a pair of knee-high black boots. I had a pair that was falling apart, and had to be thrown away, and now I really want a new one. In one shop I went into there were some beautiful boots, just the way I like them, and seem to be made completely of fabric with plastic soles. I asked the shopkeeper, and it turned out that the inner sole is made of leather. Argh! I am sick and tired of it. So much that I have started thinking about buying these boots anyway.

My mind has been changing for days. It is very unlikely that I will be able to find any boots in the near future, unless I will bend my rules. Still, my rules are the result of a very strong belief in my lifestyle. Do I have to be so firm about it? Have I gone a step too far? I don’t know. I am still considering my dilemma, and I really don’t know what to do. I wish I could change the world around me, but I can’t. I know I have to be flexible, but if I have a choice I’d rather not be. How much do I need to compromise?

After feeling a bit under the weather and using it as an excuse for laziness, today I went back to the gym for the first time in about a week. Moreover, there was a new trainer there who I spoke with a bit, and he said that I look like a pro. I don’t know if he was joking or not, but either way I was complemented.

A cold or not, I’m feeling so much better.

Good things have been happening to me today.

At work I managed to solve a couple of problems that were concerning the senior management, help some clients, achieve progress in one of my major tasks and still have time to learn a few new things and relax. I even got complemented by my boss. It felt nice to achieve my goals, or at least some of them.

I had lunch with P. in one of my favourite restaurants. I tried a dish I haven’t tried before and it was wonderful. I had a lovely glass of wine, and at the end we got a complimentary chocolate tart. It had all the ingredients for a perfect meal: delicious food, good wine, superb chocolate, strong coffee, and fantastic company.

I’ve been having an interesting messaging exchange with a nice guy on the dating site. Today he asked for my phone number. It still doesn’t suggest much, but it could mean that he will call, and we might have a nice time together.

When I got home I was watering the pots that I recently had to replant after the strong winds threw them to the floor. I saw a little new leaf growing on one of the plants I was afraid might die. I like new life.

I am still tired, after a very bad night’s sleep last night, and I still have a very annoying cold that caused me to vegetate for the past few days and skip training. This contributed both to guilt feelings, and a lowered self esteem. But I’m happy. Good things are happening; I can make them even better.

Happy Holidays to you all! Once again it is the time of compilation releases, cheesy singles and no good new music to be found anywhere. As I did in previous years, this is the time to put together the best of list for this year.

This year the task was particularly hard. Going through my collection, I realised that I haven’t purchased too many CDs this year, and some of the ones that I did get disappointed me. There may be two possible causes: 1. not many good albums have been published this year. 2. I have been getting a bit too busy with work and other commitments, and have neglected my duty of getting myself updated with whatever is going on in music. I believe both are true.

Here goes my list. Let me know if I forgot anything.

5. R.E.M., Around the Sun ? This album is last on the list because I must admit I don’t feel that I have listened to it enough since I got it. Otherwise, it would have had a chance of hitting higher.

4. Pixies, Wave of Mutilation – A best-of compilation, I know, but still, I was a Pixies ignorant before I got it, and it proved to be a very good introduction for one of the most influential bands ever.

3. Franz Ferdinand, Franz Ferdinand – This was the year of Franz Ferdinand, rising to fame around the world and receiving the most prestigious awards available. All for a good reason. This is a wonderful, catchy and dancy album. My reservation about it still remain, but it doesn’t make it less wonderful.

2. Snow Patrol, Final Straw – It was originally published in 2003 and only re-released in 2004, but since I only got it in 2004 I decided to put it on the list anyway, and as far high as number two. A wonderful album from a wonderful band that encouraged me to start checking out their older albums as well. A must in every record collection.

1. Graham Coxon, Happiness in Magazines – The only album this year which I had no doubts about whatsoever! Constantly spinning in my CD player, making me happy and helping me drive dangerously while singing and drumming on the wheel.

What now? It seems that I’m going back to classics a bit. My brother lent me all his Smiths and Morrissey albums recently, and I intend on getting myself more familiar with them. I also hope to listen more to new music this year. Consider it my new year’s resolution.

Current dating site statistics:

100 people checked out my profile (Strangely, this number keeps moving up and down. I think it resets to 100 every day, and then goes up in the evening. Maybe they do have some strange logic, or maybe it’s just a bug. I go for bugs).

14 people initiated instant messaging chats with me

19 people wrote to me

6 people added me to their favourites list (one of them is a friend of mine who has plenty of other ways to contact me, so I guess it’s just for statistical gain)

My side of the statistics:

I checked out 99 people’s profiles (I think this is wrongly adjusted too)

I initiated 6 instant messaging chats (Yes, I did hand out some cash to become a paying customer with a few more rights)

I wrote to 8 people

I added two people to my favourites list (one of them is the friend who added me, so this is only for statistics too)

Last night I realised that I am only getting more and more upset by that site. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I’m not feeling quite 100% healthy at the moment and it affects everything, but there must be something to it.

So far I have been contacted by quite a few people, and only a small number of them were people I would have considering contacting back. From the few that did create a short chat or messaging exchange, most have been expecting me to send a phone number within a couple of messages exchanged. It was very annoying. I don’t feel comfortable handing out my phone number so easily, and it should be respected. In most cases, these people just stopped the chat at that point. Isn’t that what the site has a (crappy) instant messaging system for?

There was only one nice guy I started chatting with, and even added to my favourites list, but he always seems too busy, and even though I did send him my phone number, he never called.

It feels as if people are using this site to treat dating as a sport. Check out as many people as they can in a short time, and never take any of them seriously. What’s the point?! The way I feel now, it is unlikely I will remain registered for much longer.

There is quite a few hours difference between Israel and the West Coast of the US. This means, that even though it is still very much Wednesday there, it is very nearly midnight and Thursday here. It also means it is very nearly the birthday of the kindest Vicious I know.

Happy Birthday Vicious Kind!