I think that finally the pressure is off. At least I hope so. I wouldn’t want to tempt the evil eye or anything like that, as anything could happen tomorrow, and my task list could inflate once again, but for now, I think I can relax a bit.

Keep your fingers crossed for me, and hopefully I’ll be able to post a little more…

The only good way to have a holiday dinner is not to have one. Instead, an anti-holiday dinner is a pretty good idea, as this weekend proved.

Celebrating this holiday would have involved logging myself all the way south to a Seder dinner with my family, having to wear something nice but comfortable, spending ages in traffic with all the other people on their way to the family does. Then, spending a whole evening doing some religious ceremonies that I cannot relate to, having my nephews running around and shouting like mad, and alcohol is not allowed as an escape route, as there is another drive back home, again through horrible traffic in the middle of the night while all I can think of is my bed.

Instead, I cooked a lovely pizza dinner, opened a bottle of wine and had a big smile on my face when E. came in wearing his best outfit and holding a bunch of lovely red roses. The food was wonderful, the wine was good and romance was in the air. It was the best holiday dinner I’ve had in many years.

Considering all the stress I’ve been under recently, it could only be expected that a breakdown point will come eventually.

After weeks of constant work and studies stress, not much sleep, and hardly any time for myself (let alone my friends, and not even much time with E.), it finally came. On Thursday night, a little after 11PM, as I was staggering out of the office after fourteen hours of stressful work, I pressed the speed-dial dial button that should have connected me to E. After several rings, the voice mail kicked in, letting me know that E. is already fast asleep, so I might as well just leave a message. It was the first day in months in which I did not get to talk with him at least once or twice during the day. This was too much for me to take. I got into my car and started driving through hazy thoughts that soon turned into a flow of tears that burned my eyes, forcing me to shut them with pain. I had to stop at the side of the road for a few minutes, and just let it all flow out.

I think I cried there for at least five minutes. All I know is that at least one song was played to the full; the CD reached its end and started again. Cars passed by quickly next to me, and all I could think about is how the fuck did I let myself reach such a pathetic state?!

When my eyes stopped hurting, I changed the CD to something louder that was surely going to keep me awake, and got back on the road. There is no traffic at such time of the night, which was very lucky for me. I got home soon enough, but even the cats wouldn’t come to greet me. Their food bowl must have been empty for hours, and they were hungry and angry. They ate their fresh food happily, but they wouldn’t even come to be petted before I go to sleep.

I went to bed exhausted and upset, and didn’t fall a sleep for some time. At least the long weekend will do me some good.

I would very much like to disconnect from work for the whole time, but the stress is not over yet. There were a few phone calls yesterday, and the stress is due to last for a few more weeks at least. I intend to spend as much time as I can this weekend with E. and the cats, and gather enough energy to allow me to go on for at least a little longer.

The Biking Geeks are back!!!

In the past couple of weeks I got quite a few worried phone calls from friends and family, wondering where I disappeared. Fear not, I am alive and mostly well, just very very busy. It is amazing how I feel the stress physically, as well as mentally. My neck has been strained for weeks, and some mornings I wake up feeling that my jaw is about to crack with pressure. I really need some time off, and can’t wait until June to get some.

It has been a combination of work, studies and personal life that has been causing my tension. I also try to spend as much time as I can with E, and even keep a bit of a social life, but I haven’t been very successful. I had to miss Oded’s birthday party last night, which was a shame. I’ll have to make it up to him and Lee soon for disappearing recently. Once I finish my course at the end of the month, I’ll have to start catching up with all my friends. I hope they will still remember who I am.

I spent a fortune today, and all in good cause. I bought my airline tickets for my next holiday – a couple of weeks in the UK in June! Woohoo!!! I also got some tickets for two days of 02 Wireless Festival, so it’s party time! I can’t wait!

Other plans will be to rest, shop, visit friends, and maybe travel around a bit (Yorkshire seems to be an option, does anyone have any suggestions?).

I know it’s almost three months away, but good times are coming!