It’s all my favourite things packed into one title, when PETA announces the World Sexiest Vegetarian pole results. The list of vegetarian celebs is very long (and there is a very obvious hole where Deviant Brainwave is missing), but Chris Martin came tops!

Yes, veggie is sexy! However, I can relate to Chris Martin’s complaint that it is sometime more difficult to deal with in a relationship with non-veggies than a source of attraction. By the way, do you think there is chance to get hold of his tofu burgers reciepe?

Many many years ago, there used to be a television series called Quantum Leap. My wonderfully geeky friends probably remember it well, and it is likely to ring a bell to other too.

It was all about a guy called Sam who planned a time-travel machine which went wrong, causing him to get caught in a never-ending series of time travels, moving from the bodies of different people in order to save lives by taking actions different to those initially meant to take place and changing those people destinies. He was assisted by a hologram called Al, which could get in touch with the computer called Ziggy, and receive probability calculations for the likelihood of some actions to yield certain results that could get Sam closer or further from his goal.

I need one of those. I want a gadget that will calculate the probability of my decisions being right or wrong, or getting me closer or further from where I would like to go. How can I know if today’s decisions got me closer or further from being happy? How can I predict that there will be any chance in the future to reverse those decisions in one way or another?

A lot has been going on in the past few days which I cannot blog about. The final decision is that no further changes will take place in the near future. I may have upset a few people, for which I am very sorry, but in this case, I need to think of myself, my future and my happiness. There were some very hard decisions to take. If I could be sure that I took the right ones, this alone would have made me much happier.

My phone rang a short time ago. It was the Programmes Manager at the radio station where I did my radio course with the long awaited feedback for the project I handed in at the end of the course.

Most of it was good:

• I successfully assimilated the technical side of radio broadcasting
• My diction is quite good
• My intonation is not bad, though I have a slight tendency of monotony
• My voice is my Achilles’ heel. I have the voice of a little girl that can only be suitable for broadcasting for a very young audience, and probably only children. I may be more suitable for work as a voice-over artist for children’s television than radio broadcasting.

Because of my voice, I will not be suitable for radio broadcasting. It may be a fact of life, but it is very upsetting to know that because of something natural that I cannot control I will be banned from doing something I dreamt of. Being a dream, I never really thought it will come up to something, but there was a little hope at the back of my mind that there might be something that I enjoy which I can be good at, and now this little hope has been crushed.

Well, it was only meant to be for fun anyway. Just a hobby that turned into a slight hope of becoming more than that. If there is one Programmes Manager that thinks I am not suitable for it, it doesn’t mean that another won’t find my voice to be a charming uniqueness added to my ability. Once I’ll calm down, I will be able to dream again.

Work has been keeping me very busy in the past few months. It has been getting a bit too much to handle, and I have already told that to my boss. Too many things in my life have been damaged due to pressure. My health has been deteriorating, I have friends who stopped calling me, knowing that I will only turn them down and I haven’t seen much of my family for a very long time.

The hardest thing about it all is that I don’t get to see E very often. We meet at weekends, and if we’re lucky, we get an hour or so mid-week. It’s hardest at night, when I try to sleep, but thoughts about my work pressure are keeping me awake, and all I want to do is have him next to me.

I told my boss a while ago that I need to slow down a bit. It didn’t help. I told him again last week that I can’t keep up, doing the job of four people. He is not getting it. There must be a limit.