I suddenly realized something very frightening. As I was driving home this evening, grieving the end of the weekend, I realized that what I was feeling was nothing other than fear. I am afraid of going to work, of another tense interaction with my boss, of another load of work which I can never get through, of forgetting another one of my endless list of tasks, of things getting out of control.

This is not how things should be, and I believe that the only way to get out of this cycle will be to do something of my own. I am still planning my escape from the golden cage, and every such comprehension is a step forward, but I wish I could feel good with the way things are right now. I wish I didn’t have to feel so stressed about such a simple thing as going to work in the morning.

That’s it, the holidays are over, and it is back to normal working hours, full availability, and horrible traffic in the mornings.

Being a start-up’s hi-tech slave, I didn’t have much time off during the holidays, we worked hard through the holiday eves and during Sukkoth, (as opposed to E., who had time off on all of them, but still complained about too much work time). We were finally given some time off on the eve of the last holiday, and I took an extra day on Sunday, which combined to a wonderfully long weekend starting last Friday and going on through to yesterday.

Just this one day off made all the difference! It was absolutely amazing! It is not that I have gone anywhere nice or did anything special. I just caught up with so many things I didn’t do before. There was a curtain that fell almost a year ago, and now it is hanging in my living room again. There was a huge pile of paperwork, now sorted into folders. I even re-arranged my plants and believe it or not, I got to do a bit of cooking. The most important thing was that I finally got to relax, and just enjoy my time, spent on my own or with E.

Unfortunately, now there are almost hundred emails waiting in my inbox at work. I think I need another break

Deviant Brainwave is three years old today! Happy Birthday to me!

A lot has been happening since I started writing. A lot has changed too. I think that most of my objectives in writing this blog have changed, for a start. It started as an exercise in writing, in the hope of some day writing in a more professional capacity. I realized since that this is not realistic, and also not much fun. I also started writing in English because it was more comfortable to me than Hebrew, but as I keep living in Israel and using Hebrew on a day-to-day basis, I am not sure this is true anymore. My loyal readers may notice that the level of English has been deteriorating with time, despite my attempts to keep the language as fluid as possible.

Now, I am writing simply as a form of expression. The language is something which is now more of a habit, and a form of communication with my non-Hebrew speaking readers. Even though I do not write about confidential matters and the most personal events, I think this blog has become a good way to document my life. A sort of an ongoing autobiography, in which both exciting and mundane times are recorded.

I hope to keep it going for much longer, and to keep my readers entertained. I also hope for some changes in my life that will make this autobiography worth reading.

And, to all my readers, I would like to thank you for sticking with me, keeping your patience when I drift away and adding your comments when I am here. Thank you for reading Deviant Brainwave, and for many more to come.

It has been quiet around this blog recently, but only because many things have been moving slowly below the surface. Most are not yet certain, and some are confidential, but I can tell that a change is coming. At least, I feel the need for such a change.

It is not secret that I have not been happy at work. It is something that bothers me quit a lot beyond office hours. I get stressed, which disturbs my sleep and hurts my health. There is a limit to what I can bear. I have started thinking of a way forward, to get myself out of the golden cage and into a life that will bring me joy and satisfaction. I do not know the full path yet, but I am planning my first steps. If nothing else, at least I might enjoy the ride.

Geeky warning for anyone reading this post.

I finally broke down, and years after the rest of the weblogging world has made syndication into fashion, I finally added an ATOM feed to the site. It was just a bit annoying not to be able to add a Deviant Brainwave section to my Google customization, so I decided to do something about it. I even added the little button on the right column. Who knows, maybe when Blogger starts supporting RSS 2.0 for non Pro users, I might even add that.

So go ahead, take my feed, add it to your customized Google, run it through your Blog Search and whatever news reader you may be using! Just remember, I only added the short feed, so you’re not getting the whole article, just the beginning of it, and there is no feed for the photolog or the comments, so you will still have to do the hard work and visit me from time to time.

Enjoy!

I know the temperatures have only gone down a little bit, and it is still hellish out there around lunchtime, but it is enough to make me close the window just a little bit at night, and cuddle inside my still thin summer blanket, appreciating the feline body heat next to me. It is also enough to get the tea bags out and start brewing. Yes, the tea season is upon us.

To celebrate, I exchanged an unwanted birthday gift for a lovely tea pot, which I am yet to christen. I am starting to collect a variety of teas, to last me through the winter.

There is also another major advantage to this season, which I am already working on. Finally, the chocolates are not melting after being left for a few minutes out of the fridge. It is once again possible to eat chocolates that are soft and creamy as intended, but not melting in your fingers. Just the right temperature for pure pleasure.

I here by declare the Tea and Chocolate Season open!