Sunset, originally uploaded by Deviant Brainwave.

It has been a long time since I had the chance to witness a good sunset. I did see way too many sunrises, though, and as winter is approaching it is only going to get worse.

This sunset was nice, but not amazing. Unfortunately, my camera did not do justice to the colours. I’m afraid that after 6 years, my good old Olympus C750 UZ decided that it’s time to retire. It has been having some mechanical problems as well recently. I need to start my research for a new camera. Suggestions are welcome.

The Birds And The Bees, originally uploaded by Deviant Brainwave.

Yesterday, at Ault Park.

The Autumn Is Coming, originally uploaded by Deviant Brainwave.

This week, more and more trees have started to change their colours to red and yellow. Today I needed to zoom-in to get this photo at Ault Park, but soon no zoom will be necessary.

Today’s forecast is either a proof of the of the capricious South-Western Ohio weather, or yet another attempt by The Weather Channel to make sure they cover every possibility.

Unfortunately, I am unable to confirm or deny the accuracy of this forecast, since my depressing cubicle is nowhere near a window or any source of natural light. From the little I managed to gather, it was actually quite lovely today. In fact, the weather was so nice, that after I got home today I grabbed my camera and drove to Ault Park to enjoy it. I’ll get some photos up on Flickr soon.

It has been a turbulent year since I left everything behind and moved with E. half way around the world. It hasn’t been an easy year, and with recent disappointments with my studies and my work, I have been thinking a lot about the future and where I am heading.

At the moment, it is all bundled with frustration. I see people around me moving on, growing up, and achieving all kinds of things. Some start businesses or get promoted, some get married and have children and some get into esteemed universities and get higher degrees. Although these are not my ambitions and not the kind of things I wish for myself, and although I am truly happy for every friend who makes such an accomplishment, I do get a little sad thinking about it, as though others’ success accentuate my failure.

But are these really failures? I’m not so sure. The American Heritage Dictionary defines failure as:

The condition or fact of not achieving the desired end or ends.

failure. (n.d.). The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Retrieved September 08, 2009, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/failure

But what is my desired end? I have no idea.

So many decisions I have made in my life, many as a result of risk aversion or fear of changes, that have proved in retrospect to be a mistake. I can fill many page of “what if” questions. What if I accepted that job offer back in 1995? What if I accepted an offer to continue my studies in 1999? What if I haven’t left my job in 2004? It can go even further back, but the fact is that at the time these decisions felt right.

Soon I will need to make another decision, this time with E., and I have no idea what to do. I just have no idea what is it I want to achieve. What is my dream, my goal, my end? I know of so many things I do not want, and I can’t think of anything that I do. And there are so many other things so thing about. How can my plans be combined with E.’s? Am I too old to start a new career? Am I too young to keep doing something that I no longer enjoy? What move will give me the most satisfaction and least regret? In which part of the world should all this happen? I just don’t know what I want to do when I grow up, and with my 35th birthday coming up, this question is becoming a source of endless frustration.